Let’s picture this scenario; You’ve only just successfully navigated a crazy week stuffed with various landmines of crazy work hours, shitty bosses, dumbass colleagues, and awful work which kinda felt like an eternity dipshittery. Throw in the painful fact that your job sucks and all you ever want to do is spend your days in a private resort, say Obudu Cattle Ranch, acting as the official gigolo to all the female fun-seekers, having awesome sex on the brilliant grass with fat mysterious women, while grazing cattle watch on with animalistic dismay, and you getting paid for it. But somehow, due to some weird unfair turn of events, you’ve been damned to work on a killer job, counting money for a living, or gallantly saving lives (I mean, dealing with depressing human suffering on a basic level ) or wiping the shit off the butt of old fellas. Not to say those jobs are bad, but they’ve killed you slowly all week, gradually gnawing at your life expectancy, and whittling away at your soul. You’ve diedmany times before your time.
Well, congratulations my friend, the weekend has saved you from an early trip to your Maker, and we can all run off to some hotel to play catch-up with the finer things of life. You’ve only got 2 days to do this, so dear friend, for your sake, and for the good of humanity, even if the you get tempted beyond your powers, avoid this
Taking A Picture In The Toilet!
….and uploading to Instagram, Facebook, Tumbler, Badu, Twitter, Google+…
Deep in your mind, your fagged out, over-bloated egotistical mind, you have a fantasy. A fake thought process that has thrilled you endlessly, giving you hope to get along with the shitty life you lead daily. You wish you’re a star. The greatest iconic rock singer to ever grace the face of this earth. Or is it a leader? A true spiritual shepherd, catering for the souls of thousands (while enriching your coffers with the sweat of those souls). Or you’re the hero of the Game Of Thrones. Every night you hit your bed, and then the pictures come up. You, standing on a stage, mic in hand, in front of gazillions of people who adore you, worship you, call out to you in love, surrendering to your charm and your every vain act. You’re their man, their hero, their legend, their god!
Hey! Wake up son! You’re no star. It’s sad, but true. Deal with it. So when you do get to that weekend getaway hotel, nobody wants to see your ‘look of the day’ on Instagram. Or is it your ‘tush’ dinner picture on Twitter? Or the annoying Facebook update; ‘Chilling at the blah blah blah hotel, TGIF tinz”. Those things suck, you hear me? They suck big brown elephant balls! But if for any reason, you’re one annoying stink of a man, and you really have to do those things. Then, please avoid the classic restroom picture. That picture of you taking a glorious shit in a marbled toilet, while you spot a stupid smile and a peace sign all in unity for the picture. Shit, peace and unity. How awful. The douchebaggery of it can only be surpassed by filming a short video of you taking a shit, and uploading it on Youtube simply because ‘It’s so awesome dude!”.
Please don’t do that son. You’d look cheap. The cheapest of all cheap lowlifes who definitely has no business being a star. Wanna be a star? Avoid this picture. Wanna actually have some fans, who love you? Then don’t even think about that. Now go into the weekend and have some fun.
Happy Weekend friends.
Peace and cupcakes!