#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
In this #PulseFirstLove story, our subject regretfully looks back on a relationship wrecked by a night that should never have happened. She wryly talks about her first love and the glow of its early days before everything got snuffed out on one night of life-changing, bad decisions.
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Do you remember the very first guy you had a crush on?
I had a few boys here and there that I liked in Primary school and secondary school but I don’t count those ones because I was young and dumb. So I’d say this guy I met at our Freshmen’s party in school had the first crush that was very memorable for me. Like, I was doing the most even though I knew boys weren’t worth that much hassle. I just couldn’t help myself. LOL.
When you say you were doing the most, what do you mean?
You know, just plainly embarrassing myself all night to get his attention. Sashaying all over the room, making sure that the people I felt like speaking with were those around where he was standing for the most part of the night, dancing anyhow and like I said, just making a fool of myself to get him to notice me. Ugh. Very dark times.
And did he?
He did a good job of ignoring me because I am sure he noticed me. But I don’t think I’d blame him. He probably thought I was a drama queen and a dunce because of how I was acting on the night. Thank God there was alcohol to blame it on.
LMAOO
The crush wore off sha after a while. I mean, you see people over and over again for one semester and if you are lucky, you’d have seen them finish and the crush would have faded off.
So was that a one-off thing or do you quickly get over people generally?
Oh. Not a one-off thing. I indeed get over people easily but not everyone. Some are not so easy to forget like that.
Word. So when did you get into your first ever relationship?
2015. I met this while I was interning/doing my NYSC and we hit it off. Apparently, he grew up just one bus stop away from my family home. We were just in the office one day and I heard him talk about it and I was like, ‘I know that place. I grew up around there.’ Then he mentioned how his own parents have a house there too but he moved out after school bla bla bla. Any way, that was how we started gisting, became quite close and started going out together on the occasional ice cream and movie dates.
Na so the thing go
Lol. I know right.
So you guys became a couple at some point
Yeah. He left the company about 7 months into my NYSC. It was after then that he asked me to be his babe. My response was ‘I thought you would never ask.’
Omo
I’m telling you. Safe to say I wanted us to date so much because we were really close already and it was smooth sailing. We differed on a few things but I liked him overall. So why not?
What did you like most about dating him?
I think what I liked most about him was how creative he was. He’s a graphics guy and he does amazing work, he can also write, he can sing - he used to sing me the sweetest lullabies and beautiful songs that I’d wake up to on Whatsapp - he also has his way with words and all. But above all that, it was how we blended that I liked most. You know, with us growing around each other and not knowing about it before meeting at a different time and location down the line, him being the perfect listener, most attentive and quite the joker, we were seemingly perfect for each other.
Awwn
I know. I know
So I’m guessing you guys didn’t end up together
No, we didn’t.
Why not?
I got pregnant for someone else.
Wow.
LOL. I know, I know. It wasn’t me at my finest but hey, shit happens. Shit that almost tears your life apart
Again, just wow. I didn’t see this coming at all! Tell me how this happened, please
Uhmm. So all through the time we were dating and all, I kept in contact with this guy I had a thing with in school. We didn’t date oh. It was just sex on and off, nothign atttached. I didn’t even use to think much about it. But then we stayed in touch and he was just always on the side, giving off ‘I still want to smash you’ vibes and I admit it was tempting and felt good to have him lusting after me like that even though I used to tell him off and all. But deep down I always liked it when he came on to me. I’m not proud of it sha and in hindsight, I should have killed it before it blew up into the mess it turned out to be.
So you let him hit?
One time like that. Just once when I went for a classmate’s wedding. I was on the bridal train and the wedding party ended a bit late. The plan all along was for me to lodge in a hotel with the other girls but I made something up about having an aunt around so that I could go to the other guy’s house. My boyfriend too thought I was staying with a distant relative. The plan wasn’t to have sex with him sha. Like, we were supposed to just see and catch up but one thing led to another and six weeks after he swore that he pulled out early enough, I found out that I was pregnant. Told my mum because I always tell her everything. Plus my dad is late. My mum was understanding but begged me to not abort the pregnancy. She listed all the things that could go wrong and scared me shitless about aborting. So I agreed to keep the baby. Now that was where the problem was.
Yeah. Your boyfriend
Yeah. Had to find a way to break up with him so that he wouldn’t find out. I didn’t think he would understand the baby bit and the betrayal would be too hurtful so I planned to break up with him, and just maybe disappear to an uncle’s place in Port Harcourt.
How did that go?
Horribly. He didn’t fall for all the antics and attempts to break up. I had to tell him. And it was just as insanely painful as I thought it would be. I cried, he cried and he left. It was a crazy period for me sha. A very difficult period for me. I carried the pregnancy with relative ease, thankfully, but my heart was broken and that was enough hurt.
How about the baby daddy?
He was responsible for it, thankfully. But he didn’t want a relationship which was well and good because I didn’t want that either.
Omo.
Yeah. You know what’s most insane about all of this?
Tell me
We lost the baby.
Oh shit.
I don’t want to go into details of how that happened but the point is, my boyfriend heard and he still came around to console me and all. That touched me so much and made me cry even more at the realisation of how I fucked things up.
I’m so sorry
Thank you. We move. We’re still friends now sha. Not close or anything but you know, friendly with each other. He’s getting married later this year sef.
You know I meant to ask if your relationship with your first love was sexual
Oh it was. It was. And I get where you are coming from. But no, I don;t think that was why I did what I did. It was just a terrible, unfortunate mistake, that night. You know how they say ‘what will be will be?’
Yeah
That was it, I think.
In an alternate universe, how did you picture this story ending?
Married to him in a destination wedding. Live happily ever after outside Nigeria with our two sons,
Are you seeing anyone right now?
Naaah. But not because I’m uninterested or anything. Just haven’t found the right person.
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