Divorce is a legal affair that signals the end of a civil marriage. As a woman, will you go back to your maiden name and as a man will you allow your ex-wife retain your surname after a divorce?
A cross section of Lagos residents on Saturday expressed divergent views with the New Agency of Nigeria (NAN).
Adenike Ajose, a caterer, told NAN that the culture of shame had made it difficult for most divorced women to revert to their maiden names.
“I think it’s the shame of divorce itself, the moment one goes back to one’s maiden name, you start getting calls from all and sundry and that can be exhausting and embarrassing.
“So, one may retain it in order not to recount the sad ordeal of one’s failure in marriage. As for me, I didn’t change it because of the National Identity Number (NIN), the process is excruciatingly painful.
“I had begun the process, but when I saw how long getting the name regularised will take, I can’t deal with the fact that I’d have to put my life on hold for that long, moreover we have two children together,” she said.
Nana Adeoti, a businesswoman , told NAN that she was ashamed to change her maiden name after her marriage of 16 years failed.
“I was so ashamed, I struggled with my identity for a long time. I recently changed it because I wanted my business to have the proper structure.
“A failed marriage is tough, when mine failed in 2016 after 16 years of marriage, I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my life had changed forever. Should I remarry again, I will never change my name,’’ she said
A civil servant, Mayenne Duke, said that if she ever got divorced, the only reason she would retain her ex-husband’s name is if the family is prominent and will be beneficial for her children.
“My surname is Duke, that’s the same surname as Donald Duke, the former governor of Cross-Rivers, that name has lots of potential, I won’t change it.
“Imagine if my ex’s surname was Tinubu, why will I change that name? never, as long as we have a child together, I personally believe I have earned the right to bear that name forever,’’ she said.
Also, Ufan Daniel, a banker, told NAN that he wouldn’t have a problem should his ex-wife retain his name as long as she was not a criminal minded person.
“If the marriage was childless, then I don’t see the point, but if there are children from the marriage, I don’t think there’s anything wrong.
“As long as my ex doesn’t turn to crime in the future, as a man I understand that change of name is not easy especially with NIN, Bank Verification Number (BVN).
“I have relatives that are divorced and I know how painful that is, to now add the pain of going back and forth, most of government agencies are created to frustrate people,’’ he said.
According to another banker, Seyi Idris, as long as the divorce is absolute, his ex-wife has no right to his name.
“If she filed for divorce, that means it is of her volition, then, she has no right to keep answering my name.
“But if I filed for the divorce, she have every right to decide if she wants to keep the name. After all, the initial plan was to do life together forever before life happened,’’ he said.
Meanwhile, a psychologist, Lilian Brendan, a psychologist, said that an individual’s psychological state might be affected by change of name.
According to Brendan, having to learn how to accept a new name can empower people to take control of their lives.
“Changing one’s name is a big choice that can affect one’s mental health. The act of changing your name has many emotional and psychological repercussions.
“People change their names for various reasons. These include marriage, divorce, expressing their true self, or starting anew.
“Additionally, it highlights the significance of social support. It offers tips for handling criticism and misunderstandings,’’ she said.
She further said that there were lots of psychological benefits of change of name .
She said it would improve an individuals’ sense of empowerment and could take charge of their identity and align it with their objectives, by changing their names.
“Having a greater sense of results in better emotional health and self-assurance, changing your name can spark personal growth and transformation.
“Changing your name provides a fresh start, relieving you from negative memories or connections to your previous name.
“Embracing a new name nurtures resilience, optimism, and a renewed sense of purpose,’’ she said.