Why We Broke Up: He thinks his mother is a witch

In romance and relationships, the only constant is change, and the harsh reality is not all love stories are destined for a happy ending. Some take unexpected turns and teach us difficult lessons.

Why We Broke Up, a series by Pulse Nigeria, brings you the raw and real stories of people who have loved and lost. Each story narrates the accounts of what led to the end of their once-promising relationships.

This week, we hear from a woman who bravely shares her experience in a year-long relationship, recounting the verbal abuse and emotional manipulation she endured.

How did you two meet?

We actually met online, on Facebook. He messaged me and asked me out, but I wasn't ready to say yes right away. We kept talking for a while, and eventually, we decided to meet up for a date. I said yes on a second date, and that was how we started.

How was your relationship in the beginning?

Things started out really well. But there was one incident early on that surprised me.

One day, he invited me over to his place. When I got there, he asked me a favour that kind of caught me off guard. He wanted me to wash his clothes, even though we'd only been dating for a short while. It felt a little unexpected, you know?

He ended up convincing me, and I helped him out. He seemed really happy about it, but honestly, it left me a bit confused.

ALSO READ: How Love Ends: My ex said 'Today feels like Christmas' when I broke up with him

When did the relationship start going sour?

A specific incident made me realise things weren't quite right between us. I was at his place cooking when we ran out of gas. When I mentioned it to him, he reacted very negatively. He yelled at me, asking if I knew how much gas cost, which felt verbally abusive and completely out of proportion to the situation. I was caught off guard and upset, but I didn't want to argue so I stayed silent. That experience made me question many things about the relationship.

The next day, I casually asked about an older couple who lived in the same building because they vaguely resembled each other. That's when he told me they were his parents, but that his pastor had convinced him his mother was a witch. He claimed that's why he didn't speak to her, and why he had a strained relationship with his siblings.

I tried to encourage him to mend his relationship with his mom, but he refused. He even got angry and spewed hurtful words at me, implying I was somehow taking his mother’s side. That whole situation was a big red flag for me.

How did you react to that?

I was honestly shocked. He shut down the conversation completely, saying it was none of my business. If I tried to bring it up again, he'd accuse his mom of manipulating me and insist he wouldn't have anything to do with her. It felt very controlling, and it made it difficult to discuss or understand the situation.

Were there any other red flags in your relationship?

Unfortunately, there were many more red flags throughout the relationship. He was so insecure and toxic. He didn't trust my friends, both male and female and pressured me to cut them off. He justified it by saying my female friends would give me bad advice and my male friends were only interested in one thing. He tried to isolate me from them entirely.

He cheated on me and was verbally abusive. He'd insult me and my family and even put me down in public. On top of that, he expected me to take on all the housework, cooking, and cleaning, even though we weren't married. Despite all my efforts, he would still come home and lash out with hurtful words, sometimes even accusing me of being manipulated by his mother. It was a very difficult situation.

ALSO READ: How Love Ends: Church sermon helped me break up with my abusive boyfriend

Did you ever think of breaking up with him?

I questioned the relationship many times. Even though I loved him, the way he treated me wasn't right. I did everything for him, taking care of the house like a wife, yet he'd still come home and be abusive.

There was a turning point, though. One day, he bought me a phone but then made a comment about "paying me off" with it. The phone cost ₦75,900, and I felt like my worth was being reduced to that amount. I was so angry, I threw the phone at him and almost left. He apologised then, but that incident was a wake-up call. I realised I'd had enough. The next day, I left. He tried to contact me with calls and texts, even accusing me of seeing other men, but I ignored him and blocked his number.

Looking back, what have you learned from this experience and what advice would you give anyone in a similar situation?

This experience definitely taught me some hard lessons. I learned that love shouldn't come with conditions or put-downs. Know your worth and set boundaries. No one deserves to be treated like a servant or be isolated from their friends and family.

My advice to any lady out there is never to feel pressured to take on wifely duties for someone who isn't your husband. There's a difference between being in a relationship and being taken advantage of. Don't be afraid to walk away if things get toxic. You deserve a happy and healthy relationship where you're treated with respect.

Have a breakup story for Pulse? Email anna.ajayi@pulse.ng