‘Women Talk Sex’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure and what women expect good sex to be and feel like.
This week, #WomenTalkSexByPulse delves into the necessary conversation of avoiding STIs while catching unlimited orgasms and living your sex life to the fullest. Click here to catch up on the previous 10 episodes in this series.
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What was your introduction to sex like?
My first introduction to sex was probably at university level. I became curious at some point and decided to get more information by watching porn. Then I got irritated because it seemed scripted.
Lmao. Of course it was scripted. What did your first time feel like?
I was 27 when I had sex for the first time. He was two decades older - handsome, tall, light skinned and very witty. I was a drama queen by the way. I didn't even let the man finish. Penetration happened and I was asking 101 questions such as 'why's there no blood?' 'is it supposed to be this pain free?' 'what's supposed to happen next?' etc. Before I could continue with my questions, his dick was deflated.
Lmaoooo. What were your expectations though?
I didn't have much expectations in all honesty. I had a mindset that sex was a bit overrated due to my exposure to porn. I'll have to say the only expectations I had was bleeding during first intercourse. When sex finally happened, I didn't bleed. Irony of life.
I can imagine. Oya gist me what your sex life looks like these days.
My sex life is pretty great. From a girl who sparingly had sex (once/twice in a month) to five days in a week, I'll say I'm not doing bad sexually. I'm very happy with my sex life. I guess not having sex for long and being able to explore my sexuality just makes things pretty exciting. I have been lucky to have partners who were willing to show me the ropes. Nowadays, I run sex twice in a day sometimes (I'm not an addict o)
Lol. No judgement. More than 1 million sexually transmitted infections are acquired every day worldwide. Ever had one?
Yes o. The first time I ever had an infection was during my stay at NYSC camp. The soldiers decided to punish female corpers one fine evening and locked us in our hostels. That was the first time I used the toilet to pee. My unconscious experience was running into a neat looking toilet and feeling that urge to pee again five minutes later. Horrible. I've learnt the hard way. The most recent one I had was using a friend's toilet last year. Don't wanna relieve that particular experience TBH.
How did you know you had it? Like, what were the symptoms?
Due to the fact that I hate discomfort, I have studied the symptoms of most illnesses that plague me. When the STI happened in camp, I knew after 10mins. I began to itch in my private area. I managed to douse the feeling with Dettol temporarily. Afterwards, I had the urge to pee again. I refused to use the toilet so I wore a pad to absorb the urine. By the time I was done peeing, my entire urethra felt like it was on fire tinged with pain.
How did you feel at the discovery?
The first infection I had, I was helpless. The second one I got due to using the supposed clean toilet was disappointing because it had been years since I treated the last one.
How did you deal with that?
The first time, I had to call a classmate who is a doctor for a prescription. The second time around, I went for tests and got prescribed drugs to treat it.
Did it affect your sex life?
It adversely affected our sex life o. We tried to stay away from each other due to the fact that I was still treating the infection. Alas, body no be firewood. A day before I took a trip out of town, we had one for the road. Four days later, he called me to complain about same symptoms. That's the thing about UTI. It's not something you get from sex but it can be transferred through sex.
Has that experience changed your approach to your sexual health in any way?
Most definitely. I try avoiding other people's toilets and lavatories (including planes and public spaces). I have a feminine wash whenever I'm traveling. Disinfectants like hypo are strongly recommended [for cleaning surfaces especially in your restrooms] .
From your experience, what would you advice women on UTIs and prevention of STI’s generally
UTIs can be gotten in several ways. Don't self medicate if you have a UTI. Antibiotics work differently per time even when there is a recurrence of similar symptoms. Women have to be careful because nobody is as safe as we think. I got infected using a friend's toilet, some got it wearing a friend's pants or shorts, and there are peculiar cases of some others who get UTI from drinking not properly treated water. Be careful when using public facilities. Those places carry germs. And when infected, don't have sex with your partner until you're clear. Most times, we transfer the bacteria during acts of sexual intercourse. And please, don't drink any herbal concoctions.
Random question: how long should a round of sex last?
I think a round of sex should last as long as both partners are satisfied.
Interestingly, satisfaction differs for both sexes in different ways. (That's why I said this question has k-leg). Men & women are on a timer when they are aroused. Some men last two minutes upon contact with a woman's vagina, others minimum of 15mins. A quickie takes less than three minutes & some women don't experience orgasm even after multiple rounds. Any round of sex should be centered on satisfaction.
What’s one sexual thing you’d drag men for if you had the chance to address an auditorium full of them, and they were all listening?
Sex isn't a porn show. What's with the many cross legged positions or biting nipples like it's going out of style or slapping of bum like you want to kill mosquito? E jor, take it easy and just enjoy the moment.
What is the most uninformed opinion you’ve heard from a man concerning women’s bodies.
That a woman's vagina is loose because she's being promiscuous. There are many factors, ranging from age to childbirth to medical conditions that affect women with loose vagina and it has nothing to do with the number of men she has been with.
How would you rate your own sex skills?
My partner should be the one doing this rating but based on performance thus far, 9/10.
One popular sex act you consider overrated?
BDSM. It's just crazy. Like I'll allow myself be tied up and gagged and whipped because I want to satisfy what sexual fetish again??! Never tried it, never will. I get irritated seeing it was the rave for 50shades of grey. Sex should be pleasure, an act of give and take. BDSM makes partners look like commodities.
What’s one act/fantasy you’d love to try but haven’t been able to?
Maybe riding a bicycle.
What’s that?
I think that's a sex style. I’m not sure what it is. Heard about it in a movie three days ago. Lol.
Your most embarrassing sex moment?
This has got to be the first time I touched a penis. I held it like a foreign object.
Weirdest place you’ve had sex?
By the staircase of my apartment block.
Omo. How was this? I mean, balancing the act with watching out for people, all that?
Interesting. Missionary doesn't work well here. It has to be doggy. And you have to stay silent o. Lol. And have your clothes on.
Hahahaha. Sensei. Would you do it again?
Nope. Been there, done that.
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