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'My dissatisfaction with my sex life is kind of self inflicted.'

Women Talk Sex: 'Fear has held me from pursuing all my fantasies' | Pulse Nigeria

Ayoola Adetayo

‘#WomenTalkSexByPulse’ is Pulse’s weekly series designed to capture the thoughts of everyday Nigerian women on sexual health, pleasure, and what women expect good sex to&nbsp;be&nbsp;and&nbsp;feel&nbsp;like.

The final #WomenTalkSex edition of 2021 follows the dilemma of a 22-year old with wild, wild thoughts and deep concerns about how people will perceive her for trying to live out those fantasies. Read on.

When did you first become aware of sex and your sexuality?

I remember being very curious about my vagina as a little girl - say 6 or 7 - and I’d always fiddle around with myself down there. Not in a sexual way but just out of curiosity like, what is this thing and why is it different from what my brothers have. I’d usually do it when I’m alone and lost in thought but one time, my mom caught me and smacked me before warning me sternly to stop dipping my fingers there. That’s still a pretty vivid memory I have till date.

How old are you now?

But when did you finally realize what sex was?

Still my mum. A bit from her, a bit from school, neighbours, TV, books… all that. I mean, it’s not difficult to learn about sex in this Lagos. It’s actually everywhere around us.

True that. Of course you remember your first time

Not really bad bad but yeah, it wasn’t memorable and I like to think of it as a waste of time and body count. Now if only I could wipe it from my memory and replace it with the first time I had an orgasm. That, to me, feels like the first time I really had sex.

Interesting angle. So how long after your first time did this happen and was it self-served or you got it with a partner?

About a year after my first time. I wasn’t doing much after that first time. Just a few cuddles and kisses here and there. Then came this guy who, I have to admit, didn’t look like he would be the one to give me such a memorable experience. Not to bodyshame but he was quite overweight. Anyway, he was so into me and he was nice and patient so after drinks and some puff-puff-pass one night, I said fuck it, let me give this guy some. And oh my gosh! I nearly died from pleasure. Whether it was because it had been so long and konji had built up in my soul, or due to the alcohol or the grass or maybe because his head game was mad, I don’t know. I was sha vibrating like mad. Over and over and over again. I know this because I wasn’t quite completely high or drunk. I was just somewhere there in the middle, floating. So I felt everything and was so aware of everything. Epic stuff. Would love to feel that for the first time again.

LOL. But what’s your sex life like these days?

Pretty nice. I can’t complain much.

What would you be complaining about?

OK. So I have to admit that all of my dissatisfaction with my sex life is kind of self inflicted. But there are just things I would love to do, fantasies I have been living in my head that I would love to explore but like I said, it has been only in my head.

I think it’s the nature of the fantasies. They are quite crazy. Not crazy crazy but because of where we are and the kind of reaction people give to anything remotely unconventional, I have been finding it difficult to live my wildest fantasies.

I think you have to tell me about them now

Ok, for one, I would love to have a threesome with a guy and another babe but the guy won’t do much. He’ll just watch us go down on each other, do other stuff and then we’ll take turns riding him - with his hands tied of course.

Yeah. LOL. That’s why it’s still a fantasy. I don’t even know how to broach it to a woman yet, not to talk of getting a guy to agree to it. But I guess when the time is right, I’ll live it up as I should. But that’s not all. I also fantasize about being passed around all night by three or four guys. You know, get it from each one while the others watch.

Hahahaha. E shock you, I get. It sounds like a lot but I just want to see what it’d be like. Experimental stuff, you know. Just the thought does things to me and you know, I’d love to live out the fantasies. I think it’d be nice.

And you think speaking with your partners about this won’t work?

Actually, I don’t know. But I’m frankly scared of rejection and when that happens, you know judgement will follow and then the gist might start flying and things will get muddled up as the story makes the rounds. And na just fok I wan fok, it should not become an identity or a stigma for me, if you know what I mean.

I think I’m just careful of my reputation but I really want to get down really nasty. Like, really nasty. But these things can be difficult for women so you can’t be suggesting these kinds of things to everyone - even women like you. I’d like to be sure that whoever I tell will be down for it. So far, I’ve not found my people yet. But we move. I still have time on my side. I’ll wait.

Yup. Good things come to those who wait

Liked this edition? There's more where it came from. Just click&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pulse.ng/search?q=women+teach+sex">HERE</a>&nbsp;and check back every Friday for more stories.

Women Talk Sex: 'Fear has held me from pursuing all my fantasies'

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