Almost every man has a story of how he met a young woman, and before he knew what was happening, she was asking him to foot all her bills.
There was a thread on X (formerly called Twitter) where men shared their experiences, and one that stuck with me was a lady asking a man to buy her a bag after the young man told her his father had just died.
The most popular tactic is when you ask some Nigerian women how they are, and they say, "I’m not fine." When asked why, they would start to list all their woes and directly or inadvertently ask for money.
Another tactic is when they post online, "Craving shawarma or ice cream" or "I wish someone would take me out."
Some women even demand that a man buy the gown they would wear on a date and pay for their transportation and nails before they go on a date. It’s sweet and romantic if it happens naturally, but demanding it is wild and unacceptable.
Why do they do this?
1. Greed
Some of these women want a lifestyle they can’t afford. They want wigs they can’t afford, trips around the world, clothes, shoes, and bags, all of which are beyond their paycheck because, well, they deserve it for being pretty.
2. Exploitation
Many men are usually crazed and spirited in their desire for intercourse; they can do anything. So it becomes a transaction: "To get me to have sex with you, here’s a list of the things you have to do."
3. Poverty and poverty mentality
Some people either grew up poor or grew up with a poverty mentality; that deep sense of not having enough money makes them seek money from others even if they don’t need it. To them, a man cannot love them if he doesn’t spend a lot of money on them.
Though giving is part of love, it is not everything, especially when you are making outrageous demands. If you really loved someone, you would build a relationship with them and not squander their money.
4. Electra complex
If a woman grew up with a father who wasn’t a provider, she might seek that role out in a lover. If her father gave her everything she needed, she might expect a man to do the same.
This theory comes from a psychoanalytic theory developed by Sigmund Freud, called Electra complex.
Based on psychoanalytic theory, the Electra complex suggests that a woman's early experiences and unaddressed feelings towards her father and mother can have a profound impact on her romantic relationships.
Women may subconsciously seek partners who resemble their fathers or possess qualities they admire. Unresolved feelings from the Electra complex may also influence a woman's self-concept and self-esteem, affecting her ability to establish healthy relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
5. Patriarchy
The patriarchal system, where men are at the top of the pyramid and demand absolute respect and loyalty, breeds a sense of entitlement in women as they seek men to provide for and protect them. At the back of women’s minds, men exist to provide for and protect them. It's so funny that the system meant to bring men respect also puts them under immense pressure to prove their worth that way.