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Do you know what it is you really want in a man?

Tall, Dark And Handsome: The scam term leading women into unhealthy relationships | Pulse Nigeria

Ayoola Adetayo

<h1>Tall. Dark. Handsome. And God fearing.</h1>

Every Nigerian who just read that knows what it’s about. So commonly have these words been said that nothing needs to be added to them before the message comes across to the reader very clearly. Those four words have somehow defined what too many women look for in a guy when the time comes to date or choose a life partner.

The average Nigerian woman who is yet to find the bone of her bone knows this all too well. The commonness of these requirements cuts across the mind of the young female professional at your work place to the mind of the university student navigating her way through the murky pool of Nigerian education and even goes as far as into the heads of teenage girls in secondary school.

Tall, dark and handsome is as old and yet still as shiny as its newer colleagues; ‘Godfearing,’ ‘rich’ and most recently, ‘bearded,’ and together they form the bulk of what a lot of young women have subconsciously learnt to look out for in a potential partner even before they have had the chance to even think or consider what they really, truly want in a boyfriend.

The average woman brandishes the desire for a Godfearing partner in your face without much thought for what the word even means, or the import of the concept. If they really did, as I wrote in <a id="f6022a28-3d7c-4dc8-a939-ec0ae2e0ebf3" href="https://www.pulse.ng/dating-the-hypocrisy-of-seeking-a-god-fearing-partner-in-nigerian-relationships/qtxtmg8">this piece here</a>, there wouldn’t be this many women resisting the idea of celibacy and sexual abstinence before marriage.

Many times women pick preferred men specs off each other during conversations. [Credit: Ad Age]

Women speaking with each other [Credit: Ad Age]

Many have somehow become conditioned to consider a bearded guy a better potential partner than one who isn’t. Women are out here seeking to be with dark guys for no reason other than the fact that that’s what they hear their friends, favourite celebs and other people say. If I had a kobo for every time I have heard or seen a woman express a desire to never date a fair guy, my annual income for 2018 would probably be double what it actually ended as.

ALSO READ: <a id="5208e15b-dca3-494d-b69c-ccb5490e55f4" href="https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/opinion-is-the-way-to-a-mans-heart-really-his-stomach/65n7g7x">Is the way to a man's heart really his stomach?</a>

On an apparent consideration, there is nothing wrong with setting these requirements, neither is there any problem with having a type of man you would love to be with. Surely I will not begrudge anyone for desiring to be with only men who have certain traits.

What’s problematic and requires conversation is the bandwagon effect attached to this ‘selection’ process. Think about it: do you really find fair guys unattractive or you’re just joining the many other women on social media saying fair guys ain’t shit? Do you really think men who are not as tall as six feet are undate-able or that’s just another desire you express without appropriate thought and consideration?

If you think about it, you may be surprised that the kind of men you like are totally, totally different from the ones you always thought you liked. [Credit: Madamenoire]

___5743255___2016___11___11___12___Let+your+oartner+know+early+of+your+desire+to+keep+things+slow+and+steady

I’ll tell you why doing the latter is such a bad idea. First you are doing yourself a huge disservice for not even loving yourself enough to be with men you actually like. Even worse, you could be actively chasing away potential great partners on an unwisely-held conviction that they are not the type of guys you want, whereas they are the exact thing your life needs!

Be reminded once again that what’s most important is what you really want, what really makes you happy; not what social media dictates, not what your favorite celeb, OAP or anyone else express. Your happiness and what makes you happy should be decided by you!

If on consideration, you find out that those are the kind of men you find most exciting, then by all means, keep speaking out your truth.

On the other hand, if you’re not even sure, or if you actually find out that you’re indifferent about the popular tall, dark and handsome folks that everyone keeps yapping about, do not be ashamed or afraid to swim against the tide in order to reach your favourite type of man.

It’s really about you and what makes you happiest.

If he loves you, you will see it in the things he does. (Shutterstock)

If he loves you, you will see it in the things he does. (Shutterstock); You will never have reason to fight for his attention. (Shutterstock)

Tall, Dark And Handsome: The scam term leading women into unhealthy relationships

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