Being married is a beautiful thing and it’s a choice you have to make over and over again. Your spouse has to remain that favorite person on earth. His or her every thought, word and deed captivated you ... so much so that you took a vow to be devoted to each other "until death do us part." So how do you let him/her know you still feel the same even after years/months of being married? Here are four simple yet powerful ways to feel captivated by your spouse again:
1. Begin by choosing YOURSELF.
Not loving yourself will cause you to share the same feeling to your spouse. "Relationships often reflect the deepest part of ourselves," says dating and relationship coach Clayton Olson. "Whether or not you choose your partner usually reflects how truly you choose yourself. Self-love is a requirement to true love. Accepting and loving yourself, just the way that you are, allows freedom to love and accept your partner without trying to change them."
So, today (and every day) be a little kinder to yourself. Start focusing on things you like about yourself instead of nit-picking yourself constantly. Then share some of that accepting warmth with your partner.
2. Take time off to focus just on each other
According to marriage coach and counselor Lesli Doares, "in the beginning of a relationship, we focus a lot of time learning everything we can about each other. But quickly 'life' takes over and our spouse gets bumped to the back burner as other tasks and priorities take precedence. Show your partner he or she is still what matters most to you by making a ritual of spending focused time with each other, even briefly.
"Taking at least twenty minutes per day to deeply focus on your partner (and their day) makes them feel so important and like you really do still care," Doares adds. "So, put your phone down, turn the TV off, back away from the laptop and look your partner in the eye while you talk to each other or hug for a few powerful minutes. Those brief respites of loving focus will help keep you both feeling charged and deeply connected the rest of the day."
3. Touch each other without being always sexual
Too much sex has its advantages and disadvantages in any marriage so unless your spouse/partner still feels truly chosen by you, the quality of your sex life will likely decline quickly. According to personal relationship coach, Lewis Brown Griggs, "letting less sexuality win any time a non-interest in sex is sensed or requested."
Instead of rejecting or snubbing your partner in those moments, show your partner that you happily choose him or her, even when sex isn't happening. Treat your partner with tender care and deep affection at those times. "You'll notice an enormous mutual benefit not only from being more tender and sensually connected, but often a more loving and intimate sexuality emerges from that tolerance of sex sometimes not being desired," Griggs says.
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4. Thank your partner for something every day
It's so easy to take your partner for granted, but to be honest — he or she doesn't have to do anything for you for you to say thank you. Frequently recognize the kindness and effort your spouse pours in your direction. "We often miss opportunities to thank our spouse or partner," says licensed professional counselor Elizabeth Casey. "We don’t have to wait until our spouse moves heaven and earth to say 'thank you;' there are small moments every day when you can make your partner feel appreciated. Say 'thank you' for taking the garbage out, for making sure laundry is folded, and all the little things that make a big difference in your life!"