Marriage or a long-term relationship is the dream of many people, but it's time to realise the most important fact - there are no perfect relationships, they don't grow on trees.
Vanessa Morgan, an American couples therapist, willingly shares her advice on relationships and love life on the Internet. She also revealed what she and her husband do to keep their marriage in good shape and not go crazy when problems arise.
As he emphasises, they have concluded an agreement between them, thanks to which in difficult times or during disputes they can continue to work together and look for solutions constructively. As he explains, this way it is easier for them to go through life together and cope with adversities.
Five ways not to go crazy in marriage
1. Like in sports, sometimes you have to take "time out" for the team
This is one of the most important rules, you have to be able to argue, and everyone really argues. If it gets too hot, you need to take a break to cool down before you say or shout a little too much.
"When an argument is too stormy, we take a break to organise our thoughts," Morgan explains on Instagram. However, most importantly, this does not mean the end of the dispute and sweeping it under the carpet, on the contrary. The spouses promise each other that they will return to this conversation calmly so that it will be effective. This is the best way to deal with very difficult topics.
2. You won't go far without support
If a relationship is to succeed, you must support each other. Both at home and in public space. As Morgan explains, she made an agreement with her husband that they would never gossip in front of others (including their children) and they stick to this rule. Showing respect for your partner is the absolute basis of a strong relationship. The atmosphere in their home is full of love and support.
3. Are you exploding? Take responsibility for it
Everyone will sometimes shoot up and have a big bang, but happy and strong couples never, ever blame their partner for their emotions. How you react is your responsibility and it's time to approach the topic maturely.
Instead of saying, "You made this happen," it is better to work through your inner storm constructively. This is a much better solution for the relationship. The trick is to learn to monitor what is happening to you in the most difficult moments. If you manage your emotions better, everything will be easier.
4. Accept flaws, they exist
"We accept our flaws," says the therapist. Let's not pretend, none of us is perfect and everyone has their flaws. You and your partner too. What's more, you probably know them best. Acceptance is not about passively agreeing to everything or not changing anything about yourself, but it is worth remembering one important thing: you can change yourself, not someone else.
You have to accept some things, after all, you love a specific person, not an idea of him. Don't criticise or shame each other, instead support and cheer each other on when your partner wants to change something for the best. This is the best engine of development.
5. Honesty is the best foundation
Honesty is one of the most controversial topics, but if you want to build a lasting and solid relationship, you won't succeed without this foundation. Even if the truth is difficult, painful or scary.
As the therapist explains, she and her husband share their thoughts honestly, showing respect for each other, even if they know that the truth may turn out to be unpleasant. In this way, they strengthen their relationship even more.
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This article was originally published on Onet Woman.