Now that there's a wife in the picture, all that is changed. There's another very important woman in her son's life, and she resents you for it.

To make it worse, you are young, while she's not so young. If you're not yet married, there are jealous mother-in-law signs to watch out for.

However, for many Nigerian wives, this scenario is their daily experience. If you're in these shoes, your mother-in-law is always looking for ways to undermine you just to satisfy her jealousy.While your mother-in-law thinks that you both are engaged in a tug of war where her son, it can cause you great emotional and mental trauma.

What are the jealous mother-in-law signs to look out for?

You have a jealous mother-in-law if she does any of the following:

• doesn’t respect your boundaries in spite of numerous requests. She never cares to respect your boundaries or your private life.
• is overly attached and emotionally dependent on her son. She tries to grab as much attention as possible by playing the role of a victim.
• tries to dominate and control her son by making him dance to her tune. She tries to control your home by taking decisions for you both.
• competes with you, and this kind of competition is very unhealthy.
• frequently plays the victim to get your husband's attention.
• always complains about you to her son.
• gets passive-aggressive, insulting your family and criticizing your every move.
• ignores you at family gatherings and parties.

The ways to deal with a jealous mother-in-law

To get some peace in your life, and make it a little easier on your marriage, we give you some sure ways to deal with a jealous mother-in-law. Hope these work for you and you are able to smoothen your ties with her. After all, there shouldn’t be competition within the home.

Understand her feelings

Instead of retaliating or fighting with her, you should first try to understand what is causing such a revolt. All women are emotional beings. Try to observe her behaviour and look out for the triggers that provoke her to behave so. Once you understand those, it will be easier to reach out to her.

Give her attention

Jealousy arises from insecurity and the sudden fear of being replaced by someone who has just become a member of the family. She fears to become a mere spectator of her son’s life. You'll need to understand these insecurities of hers and give her attention. Regular phone calls and text messages will let her know she is on your mind. Occasional visits will also go a long way to smoothen your relationship.

Keep her involved in your family

The man you have married is proof of her good upbringing. Make her feel special. Keep her involved in little things. Sometimes, ask her advice on parenting and home making. Ask her to share special recipes with you. These efforts of yours could win her over.

Acknowledge the bond between her and her son

The most important thing for a mother is her child’s love. Once she's assured of her son's love, accepting you becomes easier. Show her that your marriage isn’t going to hamper the mother-son relationship. Her doubts and fears will be gone. She will soon start appreciating your qualities.

Help her with the transition

You are not the only one whose life is changing here. Your mother-in-law is also going through a transition here. Everything in the family is going to change and she doesn’t know whether she can handle it. As a newlywed, everyone is going to be attentive to you and help you with whatever you need but there is no one to understand that your mother-in-law also needs comfort and security. This particular fact is ignored by most people which makes a perfect mother into a jealous mother-in-law.

You need to help her from the start so that she doesn’t see you as a threat and instead, sees you as her confidant.

Give her surprises

Ask your husband or your father in law about the likes and dislikes of your mother-in-law. Give her surprises and make her happy. Her heart will start to conflict with her mind. She will see a side of you that she didn’t expect and will welcome you with open arms.

Remember communication is key

If you can’t understand your mother-in-law’s behaviour, talk it out. Have a deep conversation with her. Be polite so that she doesn’t retaliate with anger. Ask her why she is behaving like this and ask her what’s wrong. You may be surprised by how a short conversation can make things so simple. You may realize that both of you were misunderstanding each other all along!

Avoid conflict

In order to maintain peace in the house, it is better to avoid fights and discussions that could lead to fights. Fights will only make things worse by causing more bitterness in the family. It will make other family members unwantingly choose sides. Your marriage will be the relationship that gets most affected by all this.

Talk to your husband

Having a conversation with your husband about your mother-in-law’s behaviour could turn out to be helpful. Don’t complain to him about her. Just tell him some of the things that could be bothering you. Ask him to reach out to his mother and find the root cause in a friendly way. The son might be able to get through to his mother better than you and help end the war. 

Read Also: I thought motherhood would be a mix of ice-cream and dodo

This article was first published on AfricaParent.com