The air smells vaguely of burnt fireworks and unfulfilled promises. Yes, it's that time again – the annual ritual of crafting new year's resolutions that are as ambitious as a Lagos bus driver dodging potholes.
But fear not, my fellow Nigerians, because this year, we're ditching the dull new year's resolutions and embracing the delightfully absurd!
Forget dieting and gym memberships – these resolutions are tailor-made for the Naija spirit, guaranteed to bring you more laughter than a Nollywood awards show.
1. Master the art of the 'Naija hustle'
Forget boring side gigs. This year, unleash your inner hustler. Turn your passion for ankara into a thriving fashion empire, monetise your dance moves on TikTok like a pro, and sell chin-chin so good it makes Dangote jealous.
Remember, creativity and ingenuity are your greatest assets, so don't be afraid to think outside the box.
2. Become the master of traffic
Forget fancy Uber rides. This year, tame the Lagos (or any Nigerian city) traffic beast like a seasoned warrior. Master the art of the strategic keke jump, weave through gridlock with the agility of a market trader, and develop a sixth sense for "one-way" signs that mysteriously switch directions with the wind.
Remember, sometimes the fastest route is the most unpredictable one.
3. Become your own generator plug
Learn to diagnose engine coughs better than a babalawo, coax reluctant spark plugs like shy suitors, and conduct the rhythmic rumble of your generator with the grace of Fela Kuti himself.
Bonus points for serenading your neighbours with impromptu karaoke sessions fuelled by generator fumes (just kidding...maybe).
4. Become a fashion guru (with zero budget)
Forget fancy boutiques, let's recycle with swagger! This year, your wardrobe is a playground for creativity.
Turn old ankara wrappers into haute couture, transform grandpa's agbada into a trendy jumpsuit, and accessorise with market-fresh peppers for that extra zing.
Remember, just add attitude and a confident strut, and you'll be runway-ready for any owambe.
5. Become the master bargainer
Forget financial advisors and boring budgets! This year, we're ditching the dull and embracing the glorious art of the Naija hustle, baby!
Bargain like you're buying agbalumo at Oshodi market, and squeeze discounts from okada riders. Resolve to become a bargain ninja and let your inner bargain-hunting beast shine!
6. Learn to mind your business
Forget societal pressure, this year is all about self-love and zero stress. Oga keeps piling on work? "E no concern me." Aunty wants gossip? "E no concern me." Neighbour blasting music till sunrise? Crank up your own beats and dance like nobody's watching (because, well, they probably aren't).
Remember, your peace of mind is priceless, so prioritise it like it's the last plate of jollof at a party.
ALSO READ: 10 of the most common new year's resolutions
Life is too short for boring goals. Spice things up, laugh at yourself, and embrace the unexpected. Make this year your most Naija adventure yet!
Happy New Year, and may your laughter be louder than generator noise, your success brighter than aso-ebi under studio lights, and your jollof pot always full!
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This article was mostly written by Bard, Google's artificial intelligence chatbot.