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Has someone ever showered you with affection, attention, and grand gestures, only to have it followed by a mysterious disappearance?
It happens... quite often in fact. This confusing and hurtful pattern is known as love bombing and ghosting.
Let's unpack these terms and discuss the possible reasons behind this behaviour.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is an emotional downpour, where someone showers you with affection, attention, gifts, constant communication and declarations of undying love at an unusually rapid pace. It feels like you've found your soulmate overnight—a dream come true.
Unfortunately, this seemingly intense connection fades off as quickly as it starts. A genuine emotional connection is not supposed to move that fast.
Signs you're being love bombed
Excessive affection and compliments: You feel like you're on cloud nine, constantly told how amazing you are, and flooded with affection. You start hearing unreal sentences like "Please eat for me" or "I’ve never felt this way about anyone before; you’re my soulmate" being thrown your way within the first few days. Lies from the pit of hell!
Moving too fast: Declarations of love, talk of a future together, and demands for exclusivity happen prematurely. Real relationships take time to develop, so if things seem to be moving at an unusually fast pace, it is a red flag.
Need for constant contact: Text messages and calls come non-stop. They intertwine your lives together in such a short period.
Intense emotional responses to your boundaries: If you try to slow things down or express discomfort, they react badly, making you feel guilty or responsible.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is a vanishing act, where someone abruptly cuts off all communication without explanation, ignoring calls, texts, and any attempts at communication.
I recently encountered a guy who, within the first few hours of chatting, professed love and a desire for marriage. It seemed strange, considering we had just met that same day. When I asked how certain he was about all these feelings, he responded with "I just know you're special." That's love bombing.
The next morning, I woke up to a lengthy "endearing" message on WhatsApp that I couldn't relate to. When I asked if it was a mistake and expressed my confusion, his response was a flimsy reason: "That's how you make me feel, baby." Oh, we’re calling ourselves baby now? Okay. I simply said "Thanks" to end that conversation, and the next thing this guy came up with was "What would you do if we were alone together?"
Long story short, I told him I wasn't interested in any sexual conversation and he reacted to the messages with a thumbs-up emoji. As expected, I never heard from him again. I wasn't surprised in the least. Love bombers are "ghosters" 90% of the time.
Statistics on ghosting
Studies suggest that ghosting is surprisingly common, with a 2015 survey revealing that nearly 80% of adults have been ghosted at some point. And, with the rise of technology, it is easier than ever to ghost without closure.
What ghosting includes
- Abruptly stopping communication: No texts, calls, or replies to any form of contact.
- Unfriending or blocking you on social media.
- Avoidance in places you both frequent.
- Providing no explanation for their sudden disappearance.
7 possible reasons they love bomb and ghost you
This hurtful behaviour has been coined as "ghost bombing." Understanding why someone would do this can bring clarity and maybe closure to those who have experienced it.
Narcissistic tendencies: They crave control and adoration, using love bombing to manipulate you for their own needs, then discard you when they're done.
Commitment phobia: They fear intimacy and commitment, so they pull away when things get serious.
Fear of conflict: They avoid confrontation and choose silence over a difficult conversation.
Avoidant attachment: They have a pattern of pushing people away to protect themselves from emotional hurt.
Attention seeking: They enjoy the initial excitement of a new relationship but lose interest quickly.
Found someone else: They simply met someone else and decided to go for that instead.
Change of heart: Their feelings probably changed, and they lack the courage to communicate their change of mind.
Sometimes, unforeseen circumstances like life events, relocation, job changes, or personal crises can unexpectedly cause them to withdraw from a relationship.