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Sometimes, the behaviour of in-laws crosses a line and becomes toxic.

5 red flags of problematic in-laws | Pulse Nigeria

Anna Ajayi

<p><strong>Strong family bonds and the support of our loved ones are very important. But sometimes, even within the circle of family, things can get complicated. In-laws, those parents and siblings of your partner, can sometimes become a source of stress.</strong></p>

<p>Now, we all know in-laws can be tricky to navigate. There might be some harmless teasing or occasional differences in opinion. But sometimes, the behaviour of in-laws crosses a line and becomes toxic. This can create tension and strain in your relationship with your partner, and even affect your entire family unit.</p>

<p>So, how do you know if <a href="https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/first-meeting-with-in-laws-dos-and-donts/y9e4vkd">your in-laws are just a bit overbearing</a> or if they're truly problematic? Here are 5 red flags to watch out for:</p>

<h3><strong>1. They disrespect boundaries</strong></h3>

<p>Respect for boundaries is important in any relationship, including the one you have with your in-laws. Healthy boundaries mean understanding that you and your partner are a separate unit, a mini-family of your own. Here's what disrespectful boundaries might look like:</p>

<ul><li>Constant unsolicited advice: Maybe <a href="https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/here-are-best-ways-to-win-over-your-difficult-mother-in-law-and-other-female-family/hd77k8v">your mother-in-law keeps calling with "helpful" tips</a> on how to cook or raise your children, even if you haven't asked. </li></ul>

Constant unsolicited advice can be a red flag [LinkedIn]

<p>While her intentions might be good, this constant interference can be overwhelming.</p>

<ul><li>Showing up unannounced: Surprise visits are lovely, but not when your in-laws show up at your doorstep without even calling first. This disregards your privacy and disrupts your plans.</li><li>Making major decisions for you: Your life, your choices! If your in-laws try to dictate your career path, how you spend your money, or where you live, that's a major red flag.</li></ul>

<h3><strong>2. They play favourites</strong></h3>

<p>Let's face it, everyone has a favourite child (or sibling), even parents-in-law. But it becomes problematic when your partner is constantly compared to their other children, or treated differently. Here are some signs to watch out for:</p>

<ul><li>Public put-downs: Does your father-in-law constantly make jokes at your partner's expense, or criticise their choices in front of everyone? This is disrespectful and hurtful.</li><li>Unequal treatment: Does your mother-in-law shower your partner's siblings with gifts and attention, while you barely get a second glance? This kind of favouritism can create resentment and tension.</li><li>Stirring up trouble: If your in-laws constantly gossip about your partner to other family members, or try to pit you against each other, that's a major red flag.</li></ul>

<h3><strong>3. They're manipulative and controlling</strong></h3>

<p>Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect. If your in-laws try to manipulate or control you or your partner, it can be very damaging. </p>

How to deal with problematic in-laws [Newsweek]

<p>Here are some signs of manipulation:</p>

<ul><li>Guilt trips: <a href="https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/relationships-weddings/mothers-day-2018-7-reasons-why-you-should-be-friends-with-your-mother-in-law/2zxxw8j">Does your mother-in-law guilt you</a> into spending every weekend at their house, even if you'd rather have some alone time with your partner? This kind of emotional manipulation is unhealthy.</li><li>Playing the victim: Do your in-laws always play the victim card? They might make you feel bad for setting boundaries, or paint themselves as the ones who are always being put upon.</li><li>Emotional blackmail: If your in-laws threaten to withdraw their love or support if you don't do things their way, that's emotional blackmail and it's not okay.</li></ul>

<h3><strong>4. They cause conflict between you and your partner</strong></h3>

<p>Your in-laws should be a source of support for your relationship, not a wedge that drives you and your partner apart. </p>

Do your in-laws cause conflict? [Goodguys2greatmen]

<p>Here's how in-laws can cause conflict:</p>

<ul><li>Constantly criticising your relationship: Do your in-laws constantly criticise the way you argue, handle finances, or show affection? This negativity can create doubt in your relationship.</li><li>Favour one partner over the other: If your in-laws take sides in your arguments, or seem to favour your partner, it can make you feel isolated and unheard.</li><li>Gossiping about you to your partner: If your in-laws are constantly bringing up your flaws or mistakes to your partner, it can damage trust and communication within your relationship.</li></ul>

<p><strong>ALSO READ: </strong><a href="https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/how-to-deal-with-problematic-in-laws/yzyl98v">5 ways to deal with problematic in-laws</a></p>

<h3><strong>5. They are verbally abusive or disrespectful</strong></h3>

<p>Respect is paramount in any relationship. If your in-laws are verbally abusive, name-calling, or constantly putting you down, it's a serious problem. </p>

Does your in-laws criticise you? [MaxMyMoney]

<p>Here are some signs to watch out for:</p>

<ul><li>Insults and name-calling: No one deserves to be called names or insulted, especially not by family.</li><li>Putting you down: Do your in-laws constantly criticise your appearance, your job, or your upbringing? This kind of negativity can be very damaging to your self-esteem.</li><li>Threats and intimidation: If your in-laws ever threaten you or make you feel unsafe, it's important to seek help immediately.</li></ul>

<p>Dealing with difficult in-laws can be stressful, but remember, you're not alone. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about how your in-laws' behaviour is affecting you. Together, you can develop strategies for dealing with them.</p>

<p><em>This content was created with the help of an AI model and verified by the writer.</em></p>

Red flags of problematic in-laws [Medium]

5 red flags of problematic in-laws

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