This is a question I remember being asked a lot in my undergraduate days. My coursemates, apparently wondered why I was always reserved and seldom joined their small talks. What I never understood was why they concluded I was shy. Later in life, I would discover that most people mistake introversion for shyness. The annoying thing about their mild accusation of me being shy is the fact that when it was time to face a large audience, some of these folks become the shy one. On one occasion, one of the most outspoken persons in class stuttered and fumbled during a presentation. Then I discovered that even extroverts tend to be shy too.
Introversion and shyness have been misconstrued over and over again by most people, many of whom use both terms alternatively. Even some psychologists wrongly attribute shyness to introversion. This is wrong.
While an introvert may be shy, being an introvert and being shy are not the always same. While a shy person feels uncomfortable, nervous, bashful, timid, insecure or self-conscious around other people, the introvert has a high preference for silence and solitude, as a personality trait. In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain describes, shyness as the fear of negative judgment, and this is clearly not the case with most introverts – they are simply overstimulated by socializing and seek quiet time (to refuel their social energy).
So, how are introverts different from regular shy people?
1. A shy person is fearful while an introvert is uninterested
A shy person is often apprehensive and fearful about others’ opinions and judgments and, as a result, such a person tends to avoid speaking or facing an audience. An introverted person, however, is often not bothered by what others think, but they are quickly exhausted by socializing. In the words of Sophia Dembling in her book The Introvert’s Way, “Introversion and Shyness get confused because both are related to socializing- but lack of interest in socializing is very clearly not the same as fearing it.”
Introverts may tend to leave social events for solitude, but it is lack of interest, not because of fear. Shy people, on the other hand, often avoid people and gatherings mainly because of constant worry and anxiety about what others would think or say.
2. Introverts express themselves easily when necessary while shy people can’t even when they have to
Introverts can express themselves passionately on topics they are interested in. They can speak confidently before retreating into silence again. Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Sam Adeyemi and Martin Luther King, are examples of introverts who speak well before any audience.
Shy people on the other hand always fumble their way through speech attempts, because they are too afraid of how they will be judged. When they speak, they often appear bashful, looking away from the audience, stuttering and they may even cry.
3. Shy people do not often like solitude but introverts crave it
True introverts bask in solitude: their minds feast on the comfort of quietness and serenity like a sort of emotional and psychological fuel. As British Philosopher and self-confessed introvert Bertrand Russell says: “A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live.”
This is not often the case with most shy people. They actually crave social company and make extra efforts to be accepted into social groups, even though they are careful of how they act out of fear of people’s judgment. Shy people, especially extroverted ones, find it difficult to enjoy solitude, but their shyness and the resultant inability to participate in social activates often causes then to be alone.
4. Shyness is usually caused by low self-esteem, introversion is a personality trait
Although low-self-esteem is a problem for all kinds of people, introverts and extroverts inclusive, shyness is clearly linked to a lack of confidence in self and abilities – low self-esteem. Shy people have little confidence in their ability to meet the standards of those around them. This self-esteem issue can be caused by nature (they are born with it) or nurture (they acquired it from experiences while growing up).
Introverts on the other hand are, more often than not, not suffering from self-esteem issues. They are confident, even in addressing the issue of their introversion.
5. Shyness is a weakness but introversion can be a strength
In the words of American psychologist, Laurie Helgoe, “Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future.” Introversion gives the ability to reflect and have deep-seated thoughts as well as the tendency to speak very few words. It is thus not surprising that most inventors, successful leaders, philosophers, writers and business leaders (including Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Julia Roberts and others). Some point to introversion as the reason for their success.
Shyness is a serious weakness that limits the individual immensely and may reduce the likelihood of a successful and fulfilling life. It frustrates dreams and visions. A shy person may require professional support to overcome the trait and make progress in life.
In summary, I wish to make it clear that it is possible for an introvert to be shy, to lack self-esteem, to have difficultly speaking in public and other traits attributable to shy people, just as many extroverts fail at speaking to large groups of people. However, most introverts do not have these challenges. They just prefer to think inwards and, as Theoretical Physicist Hawking puts it, “Quiet people have the loudest minds.”
Therefore, never assume that all introverts are shy. Doing that is equal to saying all extroverts are public speakers, and we all know that this is a fallacy.
I am an introvert and I am not shy.
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About the author: Joshua Oyenigbehin is a freelance writer, book reviewer, photographer, and a content writer with published works in several top Nigerian online platforms including Bella Naija, Legit ng, Naija News, others. Joshua is a passionate introvert. He is the author of The Scepter’s Trail, a novel.