Marygrace Taylor

<p>Sharing a mood disorder with someone you like isnt the same as talking about your swing dancing hobby or your dream of having a pet chinchilla. Yes, it tells your partner more about who you are, but it can be scary to open up about a health struggle.</p>

<p>Being upfront is usually the way to go, though. Telling someone new about your depression can feel like a boulder being lifted off your shoulders. And it can be a good way to tell if said partner is potentially long-term material. (If they dont seem supportive, its probably not gonna work out.)</p>

<p>But how do you start the conversation? Theres no one right way, of course, but seeing how other people do it might help. Heres how four women with depression started the conversation with their partners.</p>

<h1>  I started with one story at a time, then looped in my therapist.  </h1>

<p>Jenna H. had struggled on and off with depression since she was a teenager. Six months into her relationship with her now-husband, it reared its head again. She knew she needed to be honest about how she was feeling, but she was scared. I was nervous at first, wondering if he could handle my truth, she says. The 29-year-old started by sharing stories from her past about her depression, one at a time. Each time, he surprised me with his grace and ability to hold space for me, she says.</p>

<p>Jenna went back to her long-time therapist to cope with her current depression, and decided to bring her partner to a session. Her therapist could help explain from a professional and scientific perspective what she was experiencing and how she could best be supportedand it worked. </p>

<p>Together, the three of us bridged the gap between past and present, enabling my partner to see what was currently affecting me, she says. The biggest takeaway were the new tools we practice together. Ill use code phrases like I feel low today to spark a deeper conversation.</p>

<h1>  We were both looking for something serious, so I opened up right away.  </h1>

<p>Vanessa B. had only known her now-husband for two weeks when she first mentioned her depression. Both had already been open about the fact that each was looking for a serious life partner, so for the 37-year-old, sharing her mood disorder seemed natural. No one would hide their diabetes or a heart problem, so why would I hide this? she says.</p>

<p>Vanessa recalls that she brought up her depression on Facetime, where she and her partner were talking about the future. (They were living in different countries at the time.) We went through a pre-wedding checklist of things you should ask your partner before getting married. It had questions about savings, debt, and family history of illness, she says. Ive never been ashamed of it. But I would have felt more vulnerable talking in person, Still, he wasnt swayed. It was more or less thats okay, Ill be there for you. He really is my knight in shining armor, she says.</p>

<p>Having grown up in a community where talking about depression was taboo, Kaylin S. wasnt sure how to tell her partner about her mental health struggles. But within a month of their getting together, he broke the news that he struggled with depression and anxiety. That gave Kaylin the perfect opening to share about herself. I know I was going to talk about my depression and anxiety, but I didnt know how to bring it up, says the 31-year-old. I used his admission to segue into the fact that I also experienced similar issues.</p>

<p>Once Kaylin started talking about her struggles, it was easy to keep going and share the details. The words just spewed out of my mouth, and it was cathartic to have someone actually listen to my deepest emotions without judgment and with unconditional love, she says. He hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder.</p>

<p>Kelley B. completely lost interest in interacting with her husband when her depression hit. I was weepy but at the same time unemotional. I didnt want to have sex or be intimate on any level, she says. I completely shut down. After nearly a year of not wanting to talk about her feelings, her husband finally confronted her. He told me he was worried about me and that I needed to talk to someone. Anyone, says the 36-year-old.</p>

<p>Kelley first opted to open up to her best friend, but then she and her husband also addressed her depression with a marriage counselor. Over time, that helped. I dont think I saw it while I was going through it, but I think he tried to make an effort to be more kind and understanding, she says. Looking back though now, I can.</p>

<p>If you or a loved one is thinking about suicide, seek emergency medical attention or contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.</p>

How To Tell Your S.O. About Your Depression

Fun fact about me: Im depressed! said no one ever while they were on a first date.

4 Women On How They Told Their Partner About Their Depression

<p>Knowing the right thing to do or say can be really hard, especially if youve never dealt with depression yourself. But being unsure of the correct move doesnt mean you should stay quiet. </p>

<p>The best way to express concern about a loved ones depression is to ask to be invited to their struggles, says psychotherapist Brandon Santan, PhD. Let them know you notice somethings going on and express empathy. </p>

<p>Looking for some tips to get the conversation going and offer ongoing support? Santan and Kaylin Staten, a 31-year-old from West Virginia who has struggled with depression for most of her life, lent us their thoughts. Heres their advice for how to give your loved one the care they need.</p>

<p>When you appear combative or judgmental, a person with a mental health issue will not open up to you, says Staten, of her own experience. </p>

<p>Say something that gets taken the wrong way, and theres a good chance theyll shut down completely.</p>

<p>How you approach the conversation can make all the difference. Instead of describing how you think the person feels (like You seem sad, or You seem depressed, just ask them how theyre feeling or whats been on their mind. I've found that listening and asking open-ended questions will help drive the conversation in a positive way, Staten says.</p>

<h1>  2. Listen, but dont try to solve their problems.  </h1>

<p>You might want to offer a fix or tell your loved one you know how they feel. But unless youve actually struggled with depression yourself, resist the urge to tell them what you would do, recommends Santan.  The reason: If you start talking about your self, it might make your loved one clam up, Santan notes.</p>

<p>You canand shouldtry to empathize and show your support. Just do it in a way that keeps the focus on them. I [respond best when people] say something like, I cannot directly relate to that, but it sounds like that is something thats really hard to deal with, Staten says. Sometimes a little bit of validation can go a long way.</p>

<h1>  3. Make plans, but keep them low-key.  </h1>

<p>Even if your loved one isnt actively asking you to hang out, an offer to get together reminds them that youre thinking of them and that you care. Instead of asking them to come along to a party or club, though, suggest a one-on-one activity where theres less pressure to act upbeat or socialize with lots of people. </p>

<p>Suggest a one-on-one activity where theres less pressure to act upbeat.</p>

<p>A walk in the park, a late afternoon movie, a quiet restaurant, or even a drive through the country would all be better, says Santan. (Thats especially true if the person has substance abuse problems, since alcohol or drugs and depression dont mix well.) They might not be up for it every time, and thats okay. You can still keep asking.</p>

<h1>  4. Try not to take rejection personally.  </h1>

<p>It can be tough to shake the thought that youre doing something wrong when your loved one is withdrawn or wants to be alone a lot. But theyre not pushing you away on purposeso dont turn it into that. Its not about you, and theyre not doing it to harm you in any way. He or she honestly needs some time alone, says Staten.</p>

<p>Whats more, suggesting that their need for space is somehow bringing you down will probably just make them feel worse. Instead of fixating on what you might be doing wrong or how youre hurting, take a step back. Look at the whole equation and focus on the other factors in your loved ones life that may be contributing to their depression, Santan says.</p>

<h1>  5. Know when to bring in a professional.  </h1>

<p>You cant force someone with depression to go to a therapist, and trying to will usually just push them away. But you should seek help if you sense that your loved ones depression is getting worse. </p>

<p>Downhill signs might include a change in sleeping or eating habits, acting more isolated or withdrawn, poor self-care, not being able to take care of their usual responsibilities, or excessive crying, agitation, or irritability, Santan says. If the depression worsens but there are no medical emergencies such as suicidal thoughts, talk with the persons medical doctor, he says. </p>

<p>Seek medical attention ASAP if your loved one is showing signs of thinking about suicide.</p>

<p>Of course, you should seek emergency medical attention ASAP if your loved one is showing any signs of thinking about suicidelike talking about wanting to die, looking for ways to commit suicide, talking about feeling hopeless or trapped, talking about being a burden to others, or behaving recklessly. </p>

<p>Do whatever is necessary to keep them safe, regardless of whether or not you think they want that kind of help, says Santan. Call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.</p>

What do you want to do when you sense that someone you love is depressed? Help them, sure. But how?

5 Ways to Help Someone With Depression

<p>Sometimes, youll find your feelings validated in a poignant song or an incredible book, or catch a piece of your own experience in someone elses journey. And for some reason, it just makes things seem a little better. Your depression is still therebut now, somewhere, you have an emotional soulmate.</p>

<p>Thats where these stories come in. We asked five brave women to explain what their major depressive episodes really feel like, and the descriptions they shared were raw and unique. Still, theres probably something about each one that feels a little recognizableand a lot reassuring. </p>

<h1>  Nothing's exciting or enjoyable.  </h1>

<p>When Gina M.s depression was at its worst, she just wanted to stay in bed. Nothing was exciting or enjoyable, says the 36-year-old of North Carolina. Going out with friends or interacting with people at work had zero appeal, so shed turn into an actor and push herself to do it anyway. </p>

<p>You have to fake a smile and act like youre okay when really youre not, she says. Pretending to be happy made her feel like a phony, and it sucked up every ounce of the energy she felt like she already didnt have. Sometimes I broke down and sobbed because of how dark everything felt, she says.</p>

<p>When her depression first hit six years ago, Jordanna S. would still push herself to get out and be social. Shed laugh and play the part of fun friend in group situations. But inside, she felt stone-coldunhappy, unfulfilled, and unaccomplished.</p>

<p>The 35-year-old from New York likened it to those old depression drug commercials, where she was the sad rock rolling around. Her depression is mostly controlled now, but there are still times when she shuts down, and even things like replying to texts feel overwhelming. </p>

<p>What can seem like laziness to others is really just depression stopping you from doing what you would like or can see yourself doing, she says. At times, it feels like you just cannot.</p>

<h1>  My senses are completely dulled.  </h1>

<p>To Ellie M., depression feels like a cold, heavy layer that dulls her senses and separates her from the rest of the world. It weighs you down and alienates you from anything that might cause a sensation, says the 35-year-old, who lives in Tennessee. Thats usually a bad thing, but it can sometimes feel like a positive. Depression has a numbing effect. When you walk through life shrouded in it, upsetting things arent as impactful, she says.</p>

<p>Like a tsunami causing little warning ripples before crashing into the shore, MaryEllen R. of Ohio can usually sense when her depression is about to hit. It feels like the sadness keeps getting harder to shake off, the 27-year-old says. Once the catastrophic wave finally crashes, she gets knocked off her feet, and its almost impossible to get back up. </p>

<p>You feel like someone has their hand on your chest and keeps pushing, she says. It can be really intense. I dont want to get out of bed for days.</p>

<h1>  I felt like a worthless shell of myself.  </h1>

<p>During her two-year battle with depression, Kelley B. tried her best to keep things together at home for the sake of her husband and three young kids. But the Georgia-based 36-year-old constantly felt overwhelmed and was barely able to tackle simple tasks like vacuuming, laundry, or doing the dishes. Instead of feeling accomplished when she did manage to complete her to-dos, my contributions to the household felt totally meaningless, like I was a shell just completing tasks to survive, she says. </p>

<p>And even though her husband would tell her how much he appreciated all that she did, it didnt make a difference. When you feel worthless, it doesnt matter what other people say or think, she says.</p>

5 Women Share How Depression Makes Them Feel

If you struggle with depression, you know that there isnt an automatic way to fix your mood. But knowing that youre not alone in what youre dealing with can often be a big help.

<p>Just thinking about it can be overwhelming, but youve got options. Here, five women share the unexpected ways they keep their depression in check. One of their go-to strategies might just help you uncover a new way to manage your own negative feelings.</p>

Directly Above Shot Of Book And Pencils With Cactus On Colored Background

<p>For Nicole Starbuck of Denver, Colorado, regular journaling helped her realize the root of her problem stemmed from her perfectionist tendencies. My performance anxiety and not feeling good enough triggered a depressive episode during my first semester at college, Starbuck says. </p>

<p>Ten years later, she still grabs her notebook when issues start to threaten her mood. Its easier to work through my thoughts when I write them down, she says. Writing helps me come to solutions faster, and without ruminating on them in a way that can quickly turn to worry or anxiety.</p>

Woman Typing Phone Message On Social Network At Night

<p>My depression is the worst on the weekends because thats when I naturally have more time on my hands, says Tiffany Yannetta of Brooklyn, New York. But scheduling at least one daytime activity for Saturday or Sunday ensures that she gets out of the house. </p>

<p>The key is making concrete plans that she knows she cant cancel on, like booking an appointment to get her nails done instead of just walking in. And if shes meeting up with friends, shell make sure they decide on a time and location ahead of time. I think its important to feel your feelings, but balancing that out with being physical and out in the world prevents me from spiraling, she says.</p>

<p>As a morning news editor, Katherine Igoe of Boston, Massachusetts spends a lot of time working alone. I want to feel like Im connecting to others, so one of my helpful self-care practices is podcasts, says Igoe, whose experience with PTSD triggered depression. </p>

<p>"Funny, sweet, light, conversational podcasts that make me laugh are like online friends when I need a little companionship, she says. <a href="https://www.earwolf.com/show/how-did-this-get-made/" id="9d282f3a-9ede-3256-a7b0-5cc8c759e755">  How Did This Get Made </a> is one of my very favorites.</p>

<p>Two years ago, Juliane Gray of Montclair, New Jersey got an emotional support dog to help her cope with her depression at the suggestion of her psychotherapist. But the pup, though sweet, turned out to be less comforting than the ball python she brought into her home a year later. </p>

<p>I'll often take him and lay back on my chair and put him on my heart, she says. Relaxing with him eventually causes my heart rate to slow down and helps me to relax and get perspective on whatever is bringing me down. </p>

<p>A big part of combatting my depression is understanding that Im not fully powerless, Igoe says. Seeing suffering or injustice touches her to the core and reminds her that she's in a position to help herself and others. But that level of empathy and compassion can actually make volunteering face-to-face too hard to handle. </p>

<p>Instead, she gives money to her favorite organizations. As a survivor, seeing my small monthly donation to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) gives me a quiet, beautiful feeling of peace, she says.</p>

<h1>  Not hitting the snooze button.  </h1>

Close-Up Of Alarm Clock Over Colored Background

<p>Yannetta knows that if she doesnt get out of bed right away, theres a good chance shell end up laying there and ruminating. This can go on for hours, and sometimes it makes me late for work because I cant shake the sadness, she says. To stop negative self-talk before it starts, she gets up as soon as her alarm goes off-even when she doesnt feel like it. </p>

<p>Hopping in the shower, drinking a glass of water, or even just opening a window is a small physical act that breaks this cycle of snoozing and getting lost in my own thoughts before the day has even begun, she says.</p>

Woman crossing multi coloured zebra crossing, partial view

<p>Its no secret that <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022395616300383" id="13cf5d14-7e99-302f-ad33-3c14b2c9d466">  exercise can help ease feelings of depression </a> . But Gray finds that being active outdoors is especially therapeutic.</p>

<p>I walk in the woods after my therapy sessions and just cut off the world and get lost, she says. I never hiked in my entire life, but once I started five years ago, I noticed a huge difference.</p>

<h1>  Supplementing with B vitamins.  </h1>

<p>Although <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/vitamin-b12-and-depression/faq-20058077" id="074200ea-4e9a-3221-af2d-6e49377bfb9c">  researchers aren't certain </a> if there's a connection between low blood levels of B-vitamins and depression, Starbuck takes a supplement daily. I take a dual-action extended-release tablet that dissolves partly immediately, and then partly over the next eight hours, she says.</p>

<p>She's feels they boost her energy and overall sense of wellbeing. The effect is noticeable within 30 to 60 minutes and helps me get through the day. </p>

How 5 Women Got A Handle On Their Depression

Medication, therapy, and healthy habits like eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep can all play a role in managing <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a19920419/depression-symptoms-in-women/" id="8e1220c6-2ffd-3335-a385-dd01b88680ac">  depression </a> . But sometimes those things just arent enough, especially when youre really struggling. So what can you do once youve exhausted all the basic tactics to bring yourself back up?

5 Women Share What Finally Helped Them Get A Handle On Their Depression

<p>What you may not know is how, exactly. In a nutshell, <a href="https://www.hhs.gov/opa/pregnancy-prevention/birth-control-methods/birth-control-pills/index.html" id="b5bc8052-598f-369a-a21a-925e28e4ef70">  combination pills </a> use the hormones progestin and estrogen to stop your ovaries from releasing an egg each month. <a href="https://www.hhs.gov/opa/pregnancy-prevention/birth-control-methods/birth-control-pills/index.html" id="1c59bdbf-3f50-3a15-a317-985f63f5b804">  Progestin-only pills </a> , on the other hand, thicken your cervical mucus, making it harder for sperm to get into your uterus. Interesting, right?</p>

<p>If youre shaking your head yes, youre in luck! There are a ton of other seriously interesting facts you probably didn't know about the contraceptive-from unexpected benefits to the weird things that might make it less effective. </p>

<p>Here are six surprising nuggets of info that are definitely worth getting on your radar.</p>

<h1>  1. They can make your periods more comfortable  </h1>

<p>The hormones in oral contraceptives work to prevent pregnancy. (Duh.) But they have the added perk of moderating miserable period symptoms, says  , MD, FACOG, the director of perinatal services at NYC Health + Hospitals/Lincoln. </p>

<p>In addition to easing heavy bleeding, the pill can help keep period cramps at bay, fight acne, and even work to stave off menstrual migraines. (#winning)</p>

<h1>  2. Some meds might make your pills less effective  </h1>

Committed to keeping his customers healthy and happy

<p>Experts know that antibiotics like griseofulvin (an antifungal used to treat things like ringworm and athlete's foot) and rifampicin (an antibiotic used to treat various infections) can keep BC pills from working properly, and   other types of antibiotics might do the same. </p>

<p>Why? Antibiotics can increase the activity of liver enzymes that metabolize certain pills, including birth control pills, explains  , MD, FACOG, Associate Medical Director of Neway Fertility in Manhattan. The pills can get broken down faster than normal. As a result, it could cause a lapse in protection. </p>

<p>That said, if you have to take antibiotics while on the pill, play it safe by using condoms or another form of backup contraception.</p>

<h1>  3. They can lower your risk for some diseases  </h1>

Female patient sitting nervously on scanner bed

<p>Oral contraceptives seem to play a role in helping to prevent some cancers. Women whove taken the pill are up to 50 percent less likely to get ovarian cancer; at least 30 percent less likely to get endometrial cancer; and up to 20 percent less likely to get colorectal cancer, according to the  . </p>

<p>And thats not all. Taking the pill seems to lower the risk for rheumatoid arthritis by as much as 19 percent, a   found. And because the pill reduces blood loss caused by heavy periods, it can help prevent iron deficiency anemia, too.</p>

<h1>  4. If you have insurance, they're probably free  </h1>

Health insurance helps patients get the medical care they require

<p>The Affordable Care Act requires health insurance plans to cover the cost of contraceptives like birth control pills, so theres no co-pay. And if you dont have insurance? You might still be able to get free or low-cost pills from family planning clinics, according to the  .</p>

<h1>  5. You dont    have    to take a break from them  </h1>

Woman's hand holding birth control pills, cropped

<p>Ever hear that thing about long-term pill use being bad for you? Some natural health influencers warn that taking oral contraceptives for years on end could wreak havoc on your fertility. Except its not true. </p>

<p>One doesnt need to take a break from oral contraceptive use unless one wants to, Dr. Gaither says. If and when you decide youre ready to try getting pregnant, talk with your doctor about when you should stop taking your pills. </p>

<h1>  6. You can take them strategically to skip your period altogether  </h1>

<p>Yup, you read that right. Most monthly pill packs contain 21 active pills with hormones and seven placebo ones. Users get their period during the week of placebo pills-but if you skip those pills and move right onto the next pack, youll <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a19985201/birth-control-to-skip-your-period/" id="3254647e-f214-39fc-afe0-646e66522d1a">  skip your period </a> .</p>

<p>this is totally safe, btw, and it can deliver a dose of relief for women with <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a19970773/symptoms-of-endometriosis/" id="f8c33282-abb5-3eed-a972-2931e6af4ca5">  endometriosis </a> or painful periods. The only downside is that you might be more prone to spotting in between periods, Dr. Gaither says.</p>

Some Meds Might Make Your BC Pills Less Effective

Whether youve taken birth control pills for years or are thinking about starting, you probably know that oral contraceptives help keep you from getting pregnant.

6 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Birth Control Pills

<p>Not everyone has someone they can talk to about the trials and tribulations of birth control, though. Thats why we linked up with six women who were willing to share the lessons theyve learned over the years and what they wish they'd known when they first started using the pill, IUDs, and other contraceptives. </p>

<p>Read on for their insights-they might help you make more informed choices about the best birth control options for you. </p>

<h1>  1. You can skip the placebo pills.  </h1>

<p>Sharon Rosenblatt, 30 <strong> , </strong>  started taking hormonal birth control when she was 22. But it wasnt until she was 27 that she learned she could use those hormones to her advantage to skip her monthly periods and get her painful endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) symptoms under control. </p>

<p>I wish I knew then that theres no medical benefit to having a period, and you can just take continuous birth control, Rosenblatt says. Regulating my own schedule has given me a lot of body empowerment. </p>

<p>Talya Miron-Shatz, PhD, felt good about getting a hormonal IUD after the birth of her third child. However, she opted to have it removed when a homeopathic health practitioner convinced her that IUDs were unnatural. </p>

<p>Miron-Shatz and her husband switched to condoms and she got pregnant accidentally within a month-and had a miscarriage two months later. None of this unfortunate chain of events would have happened had I stuck with the IUD that served me well, she says. Sure, condoms might be more natural than a hormonal device, but they were a lot less safe. </p>

<p>Editor's note: When used perfectly, IUDs are more than 99 percent effective, while condoms are 98 percent effective.</p>

<h1>  3. Its important to know your risk factors.  </h1>

<p>Birth control pills are <a href="https://www.uhs.umich.edu/contraception-pill" id="fab3ab99-1981-33df-a46a-ca7cabf82d01">  considered very safe </a> , but they can increase the chances for blood clots in some women. The problem? Jen Luciani didnt realize that she was one of them, so she started taking the pill without a second thought when she started dating after her divorce.</p>

<p>It wasnt until she developed a life-threatening <a href="https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a21970660/blood-clot-symptoms-signs/" id="ade8da0c-ca0f-3343-a8e3-64f53033c0ab">  pulmonary embolism </a> that she learned she had a gene mutation called Factor V Leiden, which raises the risk for dangerous blood clots. Even though the gene is somewhat common, it isnt regularly tested for, she says. The lesson? Know your risk factors before starting any new medications-including birth control.</p>

<p><strong> 4. The pill can do wonders for your skin. </strong></p>

Young cheerful woman having morning hygiene in bathroom

<p>Miriam Hirshman suffered from hormonal acne and back acne for years. But within four weeks of starting birth control pills, the horrible pimples started to clear. And they havent come back-except for a brief period when she had to stop taking her pills to prep for an upcoming surgery. </p>

<p>It really transformed my skin, she says. I wish I knew this sooner so I could have gone on it during my teenage years. It would have given me more confidence in high school.</p>

<h1>  5. There are longer-term options available.  </h1>

<p>Brooke Vandermolen, MD, started taking birth control pills when she was 20-and while she loved how they made her skin look, remembering to take her pill daily turned out to be tough. So, after learning about IUDs in med school four years later, she decided to change things up. </p>

<p> Though she acknowledges that birth control pills were a great first option, shes glad she had the opportunity to try something else. I wish I had known earlier about how brilliant long-acting methods of contraception can be, she says.</p>

<h1>  6. You might have to try more than one type.  </h1>

Assorted contraceptive pills in their packaging

<p>The first contraceptive you try may not be the best fit-and thats okay. Lucy Harris found that progestin-estrogen birth control pills seemed to give her migraines, spotting, nausea, and mood swings. </p>

<p>I ended up doing some research for myself and switching doctors. The new doctor I found listened to my experiences and came to the conclusion that estrogen was causing my issues, she says. Once she switched to a progestin-only pill (sometimes called the mini-pill), her nasty symptoms started to subside.</p>

6 Women On What They Wish They'd Known About BC

No matter your age, one of the best things about having an older sister or older female friend is that you can learn from her experiences. Whether that's how to deal with an awkward situation at the office or how to navigate the overwhelming world of birth control, an experienced pal comes in handy.

What 6 Women Wish They'd Known About Birth Control When They Were Younger

Yes, It's Possible To Stay Fit And Healthy Without Going Broke

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