"I still can't stay away from him. Anytime I try, I find myself running back to him like I’m under a spell."
I’m in so much pain. I met this guy during my Master’s program in University of Abuja. He asked me out and I fall so deeply in love with him.
At first he was really nice to me, did everything other guys in my past relationship didn't do. Few months into the relationship I discovered he had someone else he was dating in Lagos. That night I cried bitterly because I felt betrayed. He told me the lady was just someone he used to date that comes in and out of his life.
He told me he would handle it. And I foolishly believed him. Before I know it, the lady was coming to Abuja for visit, but he kept begging me to stay, the girl had no history with him [in his own word.]
All of a sudden he told me we should break up as I could not handle his shit and we were no longer on the same relationship lane. It was like the world has crumbled on me. I felt bad, I had inferiority complex, and I hate myself. But still I couldn't stay away from him.
He still doesn't resist the opportunity to kiss and have sex with me. I was so sad that I loved the wrong person but I still couldn't stay away from him. Anytime I try, I find myself running back to him like I’m under a spell.
Now I saw on the other lady's Facebook page that they got engaged. Immediately I was cold. I cried throughout yesterday. I told him never to talk to me again. He knows how much I love him and he went ahead to engage a lady he said he couldn't love and she had to history with him.
I really need help because with all this, I’m still the one begging him to talk to me. I’m still calling him. I still love him. Oh God I need the best advise and nurturing I can get. This is really toxic. I’m afraid I won't survive the pains. Please help me out. Thanks.
Let me begin by saying how sorry I am for everything you are going through at the moment.
I really wish I could make the pain go away instantly but sadly, that’s impossible. I can’t even make the pain go away at all, only time has the ability to do that.
ALSO READ: 5 things everyone learns from breakups
Time, and your own determination and will to do some of the things I will now list below.
First of all you need to stop calling him, stop checking his social media pages and literally stay very far away from him. You need this in order to detoxify yourself of him and the lies and bad treatment he gave you.
Regardless of any contrary thing he must have told you or made you believe, there are other men out there who would love you and treat you better than this. You do not deserve to be treated this way.
Yes, you still love him, and you find yourself going back to him, but going far on a wrong road will still not lead you to the right destination. No matter how difficult it may be, it is time to turn back and redirect your life towards happiness… towards someone who will love you back as much as you love him... someone who won’t lie to you and make you his sidechick.
You owe yourself the responsibility of moving away from that relationship. It may be difficult at first, but with time, you will be alright.
Please click on the links between this article to learn more ways to move on in an healthy manner.
Once again, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. You’ll laugh again… soon.
Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family? Send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
Don't be left out, stay updated on relationship tips and advice.