What Fayose said in China

Fayose followed fast on the heels of PresidentMuhammadu Buhari after writing a letter to the Chinese government not to lend Nigeria any money.

However, it’s not the governor’s trip in itself that’s unfortunate, it’s what he did, or attempted to do, while in China.

Fayose posed for photos in the Asian country and according to his media aide, Lere Olayinka, the pictures showed the governor giving a speech to a group of Chinese business men.

“Gov Fayose at the Multinationals Sourcing Service Centre, PAzhou Trade Complex, Guangzhou, China, talking with some Chinesse (sic) business men and others on the need to support and empower Nigeria majorly (sic) in technological transfer as a trade partner without over committing a (sic) ailing economy like ours,” Olayinka wrote on Facebook.

Unfortunately, Fayose was quickly exposed when it was revealed that he was in fact standing at a podium in a tourist centre and not giving any speech.

“It's not a mall, it's Canton fair complex. I know the place it's a podium for pix only for #tourist,” Twitter user, Simwal wrote.

The action has made the governor an object of ridiculeand unfortunately for him, the usually loud Lere Olayinka has nothing to say.

Well, I’m coming to Fayose’s defence, because somebody has to and after all, he’s an honourable governor, a whole Excellency, he must not be allowed to look foolish.

Therefore, please read Fayose’s speech, the one he was never allowed to give in China, below:

Distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen,

My name is Ayo Fayose and I’m a governor from Nigeria. I came here because the president of my country is here and my only mission in life is to attack him.

Please forgive me for wearing jeans and a blazer. I used to be a danfo driver so I don’t really know how governors should behave.

I’m however an expert at drinking palm wine, eating amala with my bare hands and cutting fish and ponmo. I know you’re Asians and don’t know all these things but I’m a master of stomach infrastructure so I’m willing to teach you.

Did you hear? I was also the only one smart enough to write a letter to the Chinese government to stop them from giving Nigeria a loan. That’s because I’m the most senior governor in Nigeria.

I don’t really have much to say because I’m just waiting for my assistant to take pictures of me standing here so that my country people can think I’m a serious person. Please if any journalist asks you questions, tell them that you’re business men and I was speaking to you about investing in Nigeria.

Thank you for listening to me and showing that who God has blessed no man can curse. I remain yours truly Osokoooo, I mean Governor Ayo Fayose.