It is time to stop

What are you doing? The Hero Syndrome. Ever heard of it?

But that's not what we're talking about here, that's a little extreme. What I want to talk about is something I'll term the 'Nurturer Gene'. It's actually related to the hero syndrome in the sense that you feel a need to always help people; you however might not go to the extent of actually creating or causing a problem or anything like that.

So what am I saying?

It's okay to be altruistic, being caring is great, selflessness is okay sometimes. Be a nice person, be likable. Yes all of that is great.

That being said, when you constantly feel it's your duty to 'fix' people or situations, Houston, we have a problem.

"Oh, you’re hurting? Let me swoop in and save the day."

"...I have to take care of them all."

"...It's the noble thing to do."

Do you see the problem here?

It's actually easy not to. Many of us do these things with pure intentions. We simply consider such acts as acts of kindness. We don't think deeply about it, it just comes naturally to us to try to fix or change things. What we fail to realise is that in an attempt to 'be the solution to all problems', we slowly create problems for ourselves.

I'll tell you how.

First, there's the highly probable chance that the person you're so desperately trying to 'help' neither needs nor wants your help. But because you're so driven by your desire to fix this person, you're blind to the fact that this person really can't be bothered. So how does that end up? The person either pushes you away quietly or tells you outright. None of that would sit well with you, would it?

Another reaction you can spark is the person questioning your intentions. The person starts to wonder whether you're actually doing it out of concern or to some personal end. They view your actions as somewhat pretentious or fake. That's not something you would like to hear either.

The most likely turnout though, would be people taking you for granted; taking advantage of your 'situation'. They take absolutely no steps to avoid or get themselves out of negative situations because well, they have you.

What do you need to understand?

You need to understand that not everybody can be helped, not everybody wants to be helped. Not everybody needs to be helped.

Not every problem is yours to solve.

The world is too large and life is too short for you to spend your time trying to fix other people or situations.

"When you carry the Nurturer Gene, fixing other people can easily become a destructive self-identity."

"Share your talents and resources. Generously give your time and

attention. But you cannot pour a magical tonic on the wounds of every person walking the planet. It’s not your job. And if it were, it’d be a sucky job because you’d fail at it every single day."

You shouldn't wait till someone says something or treats you in a way you don't like before you take a step back.

You're not God. I'm pretty sure the world wouldn't crumble if you realised this.

Rather than invest your time trying to change/fix a person or situation that neither needs, wants nor appreciates your help, what you should try do (if you can) is remove yourself from a position where the certain 'negative situation' that a person is in, has a tremendously negative effect on you.

When you discover that you can't solve certain problems, you worry less about them.

It's okay to care, it's okay to try but it's not your place to fix anything or anybody. God didn't make you anybody's custodian.

(I'm not talking about any of this in a parental sense, that's completely different).

What you need to do is stop. Take a step back, breathe, don't allow yourself to be weighed down by the negativity surrounding others. Live YOUR life.

Seriously. Stop.

Written by Noya Sedi

Twitter: @ashotofnoya